Give me some place that I can go
Where I don’t have to justify myself
Swimming out alone against this tide
Looking for family looking for tribe

Although Family (Sullivan/Heaton 1987) isn’t my absolutely fave NMA track (NOTHING can ever top Vagabonds (Sullivan 1987) and all the amazing memories and good vibes it brings back), the chorus is so true in my heart.

The last blog posts have been rather depressing, so I thought it was time to write about the good stuff. Cos apart from the fear of CIPN and being a bit handicapped at the moment, I’m still feeling good and on the right track.

Me’n’my tribe. They surround me and carry me and protect me and keep me safe.

Mostly because I do have the most amazing tribe looking out for me! Time to give praise where it is due. And here they are, in random order:

I have the most amazing fiancé. He takes so good care of me. He’s the reason I get out of bed every day. He follows my lead on how this is going (ie isn’t all doomsday and super-worried cos I’m not). He gives me what I need when I need it. No matter what, if I need a hug cos life is hard or if I need him to talk about something silly cos I need his voice to move my focus from the pain, he does it without asking stupid questions or making useless suggestions. This journey would be so much harder without him!

I have a hospital support person. She comes with me to the hospital when she’s not working. She’s awesome! Yesterday, she was such a great influence that I managed to make it to the MRI and blood work and all sorts without spilling coffee on myself at all (yes, I do tend to do that, I take it as a sign that I’m not quite an adult yet). She makes sure I have enough food and drink, she’s excellent company during long waiting hours and is definitely the perfect hospital support person! She’s also my “New Model Army live in Oslo” person so we’ve seen them twice so far. Hopefully it won’t take them three years to return…

I have a sushi person. We have dates at Sea Sushi in Oslo, and we always order the same thing (F27 and H15). And it always tastes absolutely amazing! And she’s amazing, too. She sends me post cards. I love getting post cards! She has turquoise hair (I feel I was a good influence on that part) and really interesting jobs.

I have a coffee (and concert) person. She works really long hours and has a very busy schedule but if we manage to sync diaries and she can sneak out for a coffee, we do. Working in the middle of Oslo means we’ve seen plenty of interesting/fun/scary stuff on our walks (just please don’t make me eat that raw food chocolate ‘cake’ again…)! We also share a love of Industrial, so we’ve seen Laibach and Ministry together (I just need to book her waaaaay in advance) and hopefully we’ll get to see them again soon!

I have a hair person. She almost cried when she chopped off my hair, but she was brave and we had a really fun day. She was the creator of the most amazing hair cut I’ve ever had (it was super short and the style lasted as long as my pink hair did) and the first to dye my hair bright pink. She’s my second longest friend of the lot and she means the world to me. She is also the reason I do have a functioning, brand new ear thermometer, cos basically I have no immune system and could die from a bad infection. If I get a fever I don’t get to pass GO or collect $200, I phone the onco ER and they decided what I have to do (in my case, “fever” means two readings over 38°C in 30 minutes or any single reading above 38.5°C). I tried it out and had to laugh cos within 5 minutes I ranged from 32.7°C to 36.8°C (8 measurements). The statistician in me snorts and finds my lack of consistency hilarious.

I have a nutritionist. He’s awesome. He was the one who figured out that my weird food intolerances were actually a histamine intolerance, so now I take an anti-histamine every morning and can drink milk. And eat rice porridge. I have no idea what I would have survived on without that. And I can eat loads of stuff that made me really sick for years and years. If I have any nutrition-related questions I know that he’ll answer them quickly and correctly. He’s also the guy who told me (once I was on chemo) to splurge on sugars cos that’s what my healthy cells want, and that gluttony is good.

I have a pharmacist. If she can’t answer any medicinal query I have, I have no idea who else to ask. If I need any meds she makes sure that her pharmacy has them (it only takes a text). She’s also a steady supplier of coffee and sugar bombs to feed the glutton in me!!

I have forest people. I love foraging for mushrooms, but this year, my body has been unable to actually pick all the mushrooms. And there is nothing I hate more than going foraging and having to leave mushrooms behind. Luckily, I have forest people who will walk with me and pick all the mushrooms that I can’t pick, and if I do end up picking a fair amount they’ll carry them for me. I’ll point out a patch of mushrooms and they’ll go “Hang on, we haven’t finished picking these yet!” and I’ll sit and enjoy the smells and sounds of the forest.

I have an old friend. We go back almost 30 years – that makes us sound ancient, I know – and she’s an all-rounder! She helped me pick out a wig, we’ve done food and concerts and phone calls. She’s always there if I need her and I can always count on her!

I have a new friend. After a couple years’ facebook friendship, we finally met irl a couple of weeks ago. We chat loads and she keeps sending me fun internetz ztuff and makes me laugh. Even if she lives in a silly town, we have a great date planned for after I’m done with treatments.

I have a road trip person. We go on looooooooong road trips abroad every 2-4 weeks (ie Töcksfors). Sometimes we even go as far as to Årjäng. She’s also my forest garden person and we’ve laid some awesome plans for next year!

I have cancer people, both friends and strangers (in a couple of bc facebook groups). They’ve given me good advice, they have great suggestions on how to alleviate side effects, and they’re quick to reply to any query I may have and I don’t really have to explain anything to them cos they understand.

I have social people. They invite me to fun stuff: outings, events and restaurants, and they make sure I have a great time. They always have a spare bed for me and ‘su casa es mi casa’. Sometimes meeting up irl is difficult cos of my neuropathy or being carless, in that case we chat and make plans for what we shall do when I am mobile again. I like making plans. I like chatting with people. It’s the one thing I can do even when my mouth is painful, I can’t walk and I’m the lead in the movie franchise “Carless in Kroer”. Then again, I also like spontaneous people who call and say “I’m fifteen minutes away, ready for a road trip?”. It’s more difficult to cancel if the invitation gives you 15 minutes to shower, brush your teeth and get dressed. Yeah, I never spent much time in the bathroom. Social people are also good for commenting on the blog and the facebook page. I love it when the inbox reads “1 new message”. It’s almost as fun as a post card!

I have sistahs. In addition to the two I have in England, I have a twin in Oslo. She’s awesome, too. She’s a fierce tiger who keeps sending me cheery messages.

I even have an adult person! Which I need, every once in a while, cos I suck at adulting, big-time. Never learned how to do that.

I have animal people. They have horses, sheep, cows, pandas and hairy piglets. They take me on expotitions (though we never go to the North Pole) and even if I do sometimes have to get up at 5:30 am (that was seriously far too early), I always enjoy myself. Just because my body doesn’t want to ride doesn’t mean I don’t like hanging out in stables, and calves are always fun to watch. And who doesn’t appreciate knights in shining armour jousting on a hot summer’s day!

I have forin people. I love them to bits but they live in other countries so I won’t be able to see them for absolutely ages. Luckily, there is chat. And the postal system.

I have helpful people (in addition to all of the above). If we’re out doing something, they make sure I don’t overexert myself. They’ll pop me on a bench so I can rest, make sure I stay caffeinated and fed, carry heavy stuff and do the stuff that some part of my body refuses to let me do. They’re the ones who ensure that I can do seminars and meetings and stuff and I cannot thank them enough.

And finally – I have you. If you’ve read this far and thought “She’s not going to mention me” then here’s to you. Thanks! Writing a blog is more interesting if you know that at least one person reads it!

But … yeah. I have the most awesome tribe. They’re not afraid to ask questions but realise that I don’t necessarily need to talk about my situation. They – you – keep me going and help me keep my mood and chin up. Thanks. There’s a massive party on the other side of this <3