Cancer may be a physical disease, but psychological problems follow in its wake. Anxiety, depression, fear of the future, insomnia, these are all considered “normal side effects” of the diagnosis.

There are a plethora of meds that can relieve these symptoms. We have good meds for almost all the potential side effects of cancer drugs. Yet for some insane reason, taking antiepileptica for neuropathy (even with the warning red triangle ) is fine whilst taking benzodiazepines for your anxiety isn’t.

One of the ironic things about flatigue is that you’re so exhausted you can’t fall asleep. A resting heart rate of 120 didn’t exactly make things better. So to get at least a few hours’ decent sleep, I took a Stilnoct. Every single night. Weaning myself off them hasn’t been easy, but now my insomnia is back to normal and I last took one two weeks ago.

In cancer support groups, if someone asks for advice in regards to neuropathy the answer is always “Neurontin or Lyrica”. No-one would dream of suggesting anything else cos these are the only two meds that may work and there are no other known effective treatments. If you suffer from insomnia a couple might suggest warm milk with honey but most responses are for Imovane or Stilnoct or some other hypnotic. But if someone asks for advice on meds for anxiety issues, you can be certain that 90% will respond “try yoga or counselling cos drugs are addictive”.

You know what else is addictive? Life.

Life without cancer, without pain, life that feels good because you’re alive and well.

A life where you aren’t stuck in your tiny bedroom because you’re so afraid of the world outside the duvet that you’re terrified to stick your nose outside the door.

A life where you can have normal conversations with normal people because your brain can actually formulate sentences that don’t start with “I AM TERRIFIED” and end with “OF DYING/CANCER/PEOPLE/GOING OUTSIDE/BUYING GROCERIES”.

A life where you can go watch a movie with friends, a comedy even, and laugh so hard that the sugary soda you’re drinking squirts out your nose because you aren’t afraid of drinking sugar, or having a laugh amidst the terror of cancer, or hanging out with friends and enjoying yourself.

A life where you get treated for cancer and end up in remission, because you’re not so terrified of your own shadow that you don’t go to your GP when you find a lump and if you do, you don’t take the offered treatment cos needles and meds and stuff are a fate worse than dying in pain.

If you need a pill (or ten) to do all those things, does it really make a difference if that pill is to soothe the neuropathy in your feet so you can walk or soothe your nerves so that you can face the outside world?

Most people who suffer from mental health issues (regardless of the cause) have gone a long and cruel path before they ask a doctor for help. Sometimes the path leads them over the cliff before they see a doc. I doubt if anyone woke up one morning, cowered under the duvet for a few minutes, and decided that they were going to get a prescription that afternoon.

So if someone you know has cancer asks for advice about anxiolytics or hypnotics or psycholeptics – have the decency and respect to either make a suggestion or stfu. If all you have to contribute is yoga, wheat grass and incense then you need to rethink your priorities and pray that you never ever need any kind of psychiatric drugs.

Oh, and if you know someone who has other mental health issues, don’t be condescending, don’t pretend you know how they’re feeling, don’t suggest your stupid zumba class because chances are, they’ve already tried every single shitty idea you bring, and the reason you know that they’re having mental health issues is because they’ve finally found something that works so that they are strong enough and brave enough to tell you.

Be respectful, because their telling you is cos they respect you and think you’ll treat them decently. Do the same in return.