Whew! What a mouthful!
But it’s October, which means it’s pink ribbon and breast cancer awareness month, and we’re almost at the three year anniversary of my last chemo (please let me know if it isn’t three years; quite honestly, I have absolutely no idea).
Long term side effects update. Cos yes, I have plenty, and no, there isn’t enough information about them.
Chemo brain
No change. Some days are better, some are worse, at least people are so used to me not finding words or saying the wrong thing or stopping mid sentence and having absolutely NO idea what I was talking about, so it’s not really a problem. And I have no shame – I’ll tell new people that I’m not stupid, honest, just have severe cognitive damage.
Lea is still a really helpful secretary cat, so sometimes if what I write ends up pure gibberish, I can still blame her.
F(l)atigue
Still an issue. Not as bad as it was, but I can’t really plan two things in one day – cos sometimes something as simple as going to my physical therapist exhausts me completely and I spend the rest of the day in bed.
Blood work
My blood has never been better. So yay chemo! It worked! It actually fucking worked!!!
Physiology
Body is behaving nicely. Thanks to physical therapist #2, my knees are functioning, my legs and thighs no longer feel like logs and I can run up and down the Potemkin stairs. Or up and down a mountain. Go me!
Which also means I can drive again, without pain in my knees and thighs, and Billy is The Best Car Ever. Or Guglielmo which is his fancy Italian name, since he’s Italian and all.
He needed a check up this August (PKK – periodic roadworthiness test). 16 years old (yes, he had a birthday party) and 212′ km under his belt – and all I needed to fix was replace the brake wires. He’s such a darling!
And the Tamoxifen which I have to take for the next 7 years or so – I love it. It is fucking awesome. Ya know my hormones that have been quirky and insane all my life? Tamoxifen gives me an extra boost of testosterone and progesterone and it’s doing wonders for my muscles and joints and everything else.
Heart rate is – constant. It’ll probably never be as good as it once was, but by running up and down hills in the forest I keep it under control. It’s stopped racing like mad just cos I’m thinking of doing something.
Mental stuff
Still kinda inhibition free which is amazing. Chicago in December was fantastic and there is no way old Siri had made it there. Making new friends is fun. Compromises? Still not very good at that, but at least I’ve learned how to write formal FU letters.
Insomnia
Can be useful, too. No jet lag. You can drive through the night without needing sleep.
More importantly, you get used to it. You get used to all sorts of bad stuff, to be fair.
Is there no bad shit?
Of course there is. There is always shit. In my case, the WORST long term side effect is that I have become The Most Attractive Being in the forest for all insects and arachnids. Flies, mosquitoes, ticks, wasps, deer keds, blackflies, they’re all SO attracted to me and love me and can’t stay away. Which is bloody annoying when I’m in the forest. Something happened to my blood and I’ve gone from dull and uninteresting to the number one target.
I have an eating disorder. Chemo threw my olfactory senses out the window and I more often than not struggle to eat properly. It’s difficult to explain. I’ll want something in the store, buy it, get home – and can’t eat it. Just thinking about eating it makes me queasy. All I want is beer, wine and chocolate.
Bad shit is mostly about how you take it. If you let shit overrun you, then it will. If you decide that you’re going to find the good stuff in bad shit, then you’ll find it. Tomatoes grown in sheep shit are the best, after all.
No tits
Seriously? No one notices… 🙂